Time for a Smile
Last Saturday afternoon I just happened to be passing the Army & Navy Surplus Stores, so I decided to drop in and take a look around.
After four or five minutes I went up to the man at the counter and said, "Great selection, but where are your camouflage jackets?"
"Yes, they're awfully good, aren't they?" he said.

Humour
A group of kindergarten children was on a class outing to their local police station. On a bulletin board there was a row of photos and an officer explained that they were the ten most wanted criminals.
One boy asked, 'Is that really the photo of a wanted man?'
'Yes', replied the officer.
'Well,' wondered the child, 'Why did you let him go? Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?'

Time for a smile
An old woman went to her doctor, complaining of pain.
'Where are you hurting?' Asked the doctor.
'I hurt all over,' said the woman.
'What do you mean, 'all over'. Please be more specific.'
The woman touched her knee and yelled 'Ow, that hurts!'
Then she touched her cheek, 'Ouch! That hurts, too!'
Then she touched her earlobe, 'Ow, even that hurts!'
Doctor: 'Madam, you have a broken finger!'

Humour
Two guys are hiking in the forest when they suddenly come across a big Grizzly Bear. The shorter of the two takes off his hiking boots and puts on running shoes. His friend says to him "You're crazy! They will be of no use, don't you know how fast the Grizzlies are, you'll never be able to out run it!" The short guy replies, "I only have to run faster than you!"

Humour
A little boy in Children's Liturgy was asked what commandment he would break if he stayed home from Church. He replied, "The third one: Keep the Sabbath Day holy."
Then he was asked what commandment he would break if he took his friend's bicycle. He replied, "The eighth: Do not steal."
Then he was asked what commandment he would break if he pulled his dog's tail. He hesitated, then said, "I don't know the number, but it goes like this:'What God has joined together, let no man pull apart'"

Easter Humour ~The Rules Of Chocolate

• If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
• Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
• The problem: How to get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
• Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
• A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
• If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
• If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
• Money talks. Chocolate sings.
• Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
• Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? Because no one wants to quit.
• Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
• Chocolate is a health food. Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Beans are a vegetable. Sugar is derived either from sugar beets or cane, both vegetables. And, of course, the milk/cream is dairy. So eat more chocolate to meet the dietary requirements for daily vegetable and dairy intake!

Welsh Humour
Llewellyn worked for a publishing company in Cardiff and was engaged to Lorraine. All was going smoothly until a new assistant editor was appointed, a young lady named Clear-lee (a Welsh derivation of 'Clare'). Llewellyn found her very attractive but being engaged and an honourable lad, he kept his distance.
Then one Friday he got a call from Lorraine to say that she had got a job in New York, was moving there permanently - and was breaking off their engagement. Llewellyn was devastated and spent a miserable week-end. But driving to work on Monday morning he found his spirits lifting a little - and he began to hum: "I can see Clear-lee now Lorraine has gone!"

Time for a smile
Young man: "Sir, I'd like your daughter for my wife."
Father: "Can't she get one of her own?"

Customer in a pet shop: "Have you got any kittens going cheap?"
Shopkeeper: 'No, sir, all our kittens go "Meow".'

Man on phone: 'How long does it take to fly to Hong Kong?'
Travel Agent: 'Just a minute, sir ??..'
Man on phone: 'Thanks very much.'

Time for a smile
A Canberra girl, on her way to Sydney to visit her boyfriend, was driving down the M4 when her car phone rang.
It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M4. Please be careful!"
"Oh, it's not just one car!" she replied, "There are hundreds of them!"

Humour in short doses
TEACHER: Ryan, what is the chemical formula for water?
RYAN: H I J K L M N O
TEACHER: Ryan, what on earth are you talking about?
RYAN: Well, yesterday you said it was H to O.

TEACHER: Patrick, name one important thing that we have today that we didn't have 10 years ago.
PATRICK: Me !

CUSTOMER: I'd like a pair of stockings for my wife.
STOREKEEPER: Sheer?
CUSTOMER: No, she's at home.

Time for a smile
- A man walked into a pet shop and said, 'I'd like a puppy for my son.' 'Sorry sir,' said the store owner, 'we don't do exchanges.'
- Tourist: "Can you tell me the way to Bath please?" Policeman: "Well, first you turn on the hot and cold taps, then ..."
- Old Lady: "Do you always play by ear?" Street Musician: "Yes, lady, 'ere or 'ereabouts."
- Railway Porter (cheerfully): "Miss the train, did you, sir?" Passenger (out of breath): "No, I didn't like the look of it, so I chased it out of the station."

How am I?
Little woman: 'Is that the Lakes Hospital? Hello dear! I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is "better" or "doing like expected", or "worse". I want all the information from top to bottom, from A to Z, soup to nuts - it?s about Serena Hossleberg in Room 622.?
Hospital attendant: 'OK, give me minute to bring up that file... Ok here we are... Now, Mrs. Hossleberg is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her doctor says if she continues improving as she is, he is going to send her home next Thursday.'
The woman said, 'Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home next Thursday! I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful, wonderful news!'
Hospital: 'From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family.'
She said, 'What close family? I AM Serena Hossleberg!! My silly doctor just won't tell me anything.'

Walking the dog
Flying from Seattle to San Francisco, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be an hour?s delay, and the passengers were welcome to get off the aircraft.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind and her seeing-eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her.
Being a regular on this flight, the pilot approached her and said, "Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" The blind lady replied, "No thanks, but maybe Buddy, my dog would like to stretch his legs."
Picture this: All the passengers in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up to see the pilot wearing his sunglasses, walk off the plane with a seeing-eye dog! The People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, they were trying to change airlines!

Tranquillizers
The young mother was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I am going to give you a prescription for some tranquillizers that I want to you to start taking regularly."
On her next visit to the psychiatrist he asked her, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down any?"
"Oh, yes," the mother answered. "They do wonders for me."
"And how is your son now?" he asked.
She replied: "Who cares ?"

Time for a Smile?
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
- Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.

Highway Humour
Excuse for Speeding
A police officer pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car and the car behind me."
Speeding Ticket
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket. "Keep it," the officer said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."

Got a moment to Smile?
While sports fishing off the Queensland coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of crocodiles kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any crocs around here?!"
"Nah," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he called out to the guy on the shore, "How'd you get rid of the crocs?"
"We didn?t do nothing! The sharks cleaned 'em out."

Humour - Medical terminology you need to know:
Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
Dilate -- To live long
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
Grippe -- Suitcase
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work.

Wisdom in Short Bites
- A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
- Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
- Exercise daily. Walk with the Lord!
- Forbidden fruits create many jams.

Some stories sent from New Zealand - Thanks Brian.
- A girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
By now irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

- A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was?
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God'.
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like'.
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'hey will in a minute'.

- An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class.
'How did that happen?' gasped her mother.
'It wasn't easy' admitted the young lady 'but three girls helped me catch him'

A little levity to lighten the day
A phone-order operator for a mail-order catalogue was having a very busy day. The switchboard was jammed with calls, and most people had to be put on hold.
When she took one person off hold, she heard the person muttering mild curses into the phone. The operator laughed good-naturedly and said, "What may I help you with today?"
The sheepish voice on the other line said, "I'm sorry. I want to place an order."
"Alright," the operator said, "Now, I need your name first."
"Oh, dear," she said, "how embarrassing. My name is Sister Patience."

Entries in a mother's dictionary
      - Full name: What you call your child when you?re mad at him.
      - Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
      - Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
      - Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry clothes into it.

A Day at the Office
A certain lady always talked about her job at home, and her young daughter listened with great interest.
One day she took her daughter to spend a day with her at the office. On the way home her mother asked: "Did you have a nice time?"
"Well, it was okay." said the girl. "But I thought it would be more like a circus."
Confused, her mother asked, "Whatever do you mean?"
She said, "Well, you s
aid you work with a bunch of clowns, and I never got to see them!"

In One Line..
      - Always wanted to be a procrastinator, but never got around to it.
      - My friend has kleptomania, but when it gets bad, he takes something for it.
      - It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

Humour Corner
Without warning the young co-pilot had landed the passenger flight with a jarring thump. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door as the passengers were leaving, smile, and farewell them with, "Thank you for flying on our airline." Because of the bad landing, he found it hard to look the passengers in the eye. The last person to leave was an elderly lady walking with the help of a cane. She fixed him with a glare and asked,
"Young man, may I ask you a question?"
"Certainly, madam" said the pilot, "what is it?"
"Tell me: did we land or were we shot down?"

EASTER HUMOUR ~The Rules Of Chocolate
- If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
- Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
- The problem: How to get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
- Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
- A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy? - If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
- If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
- Money talks. Chocolate sings. - Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. - Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? Because no one wants to quit. - Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. - Chocolate is a health food. Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Beans are a vegetable. Sugar is derived either from sugar beets or cane, both vegetables. And, of course, the milk/cream is dairy. So eat more chocolate to meet the dietary requirements for daily vegetable and dairy intake!

DID YOU EVER WONDER?
- If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
- Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
- Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
- What did cured ham actually have?
- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
- Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

CONTAGIOUS RELIGION
The Baptist minister had been summoned to the bedside of a Presbyterian woman who was quite ill. As he went up the passage, he met the young daughter of the woman and said to her, "I'm very glad your mother remembered me in her illness. Is your minister out of town?"
"No," answered the child. "He's at home, but we thought it might be something contagious, and we didn't want to expose him to it."
 

TOMMY COOPER, a Welsh comedian who died in 1984, developed his own brand of humour which became known as "Cooperisms":
So I knocked on the door at this Bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there'
A man goes to the psychiatrist and the psychiatrist says: 'What's the problem' The man says, 'I think I'm becoming a kleptomaniac. 'The psychiatrist says, 'Here take these tablets and if you're no better in a week ...er... bring me a colour TV'.
A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.' Man says, 'Why?' The doctor says, 'I don't like my neighbours.'
 

The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Kelly, deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends, waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. This is the conversation:
Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly Smith is unable to make it to school today because she is ill."
Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?"
Kelly: "This is my mother."

MORAL LESSON.
Kevin and Ryan, ages five and three, were waiting for breakfast one Saturday morning. As their mother was preparing some pancakes, the boys began to argue loudly over who should get the first one.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'" she explained.
Kevin immediately turned to his younger brother and said. "Okay, Ryan, you be Jesus!"

QUICK THINKING.
An elderly man in Central Queensland had owned a property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."
Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences ( with all the BLOOPERS ) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: (Contributed by our "New Zealand visitor")

- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All - - The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours

Beautiful One-liners
1. Give God what's right - not what's left.
2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end - God's way leads to an endless hope.
3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
6. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma - but never let him be the period.
6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
10. We don't change God's message - His message changes us.
11. The church is prayer-conditioned.
12. When God ordains, He sustains.
13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
14. Plan ahead - It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
17. Exercise daily - walk with the Lord.
18. Never give the devil a ride - he will always want to drive.
19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
21. He who angers you controls you.
22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.
24. Be ye fishers of men - you catch them & He'll clean them.
25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualities the called.

QUOTES & COMMENTS:
Exhilaration is that feeling you get just after a great idea hits you, and before you realize what's wrong with it.

A legal firm sent flowers to an associate upon the opening of new offices. Through some mix-up the card which accompanied the floral piece read "Deepest Sympathy." When the florist was informed of his mistake, he let I out a cry of alarm. "Good heavens," he exclaimed, "then the flowers that went to the funeral said, "Congratulations on your New Location."

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks On the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Don't let worry upset you. Let the church help.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

A ninety-year-old woman, a priest's mother, was taken to the hospital with a number of physical problems. Her son visited her and tried to cheer her up by saying, 'Now, Mum, don't worry - you are going to be home in a few days.' She replied brightly, 'Oh, I know that. Just don't know which home.'

Little Johnny asked his grandma how old she was.
Grandma answered '39 and holding'.
Johnny thought for a moment and then said
'And how old would you be if you let go?'!!

We should be less concerned about making churches full of people and more concerned about making people full of God.
- C.Kirk Hadaway & David Roozen, The Christian ministry.

The youngster brought home a report card heavy with poor grades. His mother asked, 'What have you to say about this?' The boy replied, 'One thing is for sure, you know I ain't cheating.'

Jesus' Mother's name
A Sunday School teacher asked her class, 'what was Jesus' mother's name?' A child answered, 'Mary.' The teacher then asked 'And what was her husband's name?' Another child answered, 'The Verge.' Confused, the teacher asked, 'Where did you get that?' The child replied, 'You know, they are always talking about the Verge 'n Mary.' !!
 

Here's some food for thought ......
One evening an old Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said 'My son, it is between two wolves.
One is Evil. That one is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion & faith.'
The grandson thought about it for a minute and asked his grandfather, 'Which wolf wins?'
The old Indian simply replied, 'The one you feed.'

Chinese Jews
When the waiter came by, Al said "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen.
He quickly returned and said "No sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked
"I will check again sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was gone, Sid said "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews and grape jews but no one ever hear of Chinese jews"

Serving Two Masters
A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage from scripture expressly forbidding polygamy.
"Nothing easier" Twain replied - "No man can serve two masters"!

DRUNK DRIVING<
A priest is driving down to New York to see a show, and he's stopped in Connicticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath, sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and asks "Sir, have you been drinking?"
The minister replies, "Just water."
The trooper asks, "Then, why do I smell wine?"
The minister looks down at the bottle and exclaims, "Good Lord, He's done it again"

SALVATION BY ANNOYANCE
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?
The boy thought it over and said, *Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St Peter says, "For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"

An Orang-utan's Reading List
One day the zoo keeper noticed that the Orang-utan was reading two books: the Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"
"Well," said the Orang-Utan, " I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there

THE TWENTY AND THE ONE
A well-worn dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
The twenty dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Carribean". "Wow!" said the one dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"
"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"
The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church ...
The twenty dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"